(this was taken during the photography module last year.
The theme is "fear")

Think I'm starting to sound like one hell of a studying a freak already. Truth is, I just started to concentrate recently and just want to keep it up by reminding myself 24/7. Its scary when a teacher says she'll give up on you if you don't start to work towards that direction.

My social life is gone, and it gets worse when most of the "life" I used to have has disappeared too. Not to say I'm not having a good time, and that the environment around me is helping me stay more focused. The weekdays have been rather fun and well-spent with Sarah and a few of my art mates, I must say.

Still, it gets a little lonely in school sometimes, I just don't see myself with anybody else. Its as though I know many people on the surface, but none who will think of me. Perhaps one or two, I guess. These thoughts do creep into my mind, maybe people just don't feel good around me.


Or maybe I'm just the kind of person who can only hang out with one group or a few friends, not the kind with great friends everywhere and an awesome social life. I guess everybody's got their own lives to lead. Though I kind of hated how I wasn't in the group in choir last time, I've found a really great junior and a wonderful batchmate. Just one group of friends to keep from sec 1 to sec 4 but I daresay secondary school's been a wonderful period with them.

I used to grow jealous when I see those people with a million friends dying to hang out with them, not so much now. After all the things I've gone through during the past few months, I've learnt to adapt to different situations. Partly. Seeing the few in the group makes my heart ache, yet I'm already quite numb to it. Its only when that overwhelming feeling comes.

Today, I found myself wandering aimlessly, not knowing who else to find without being afraid of them thinking I'm irritating. You see, people only worry about these things when they're not close to the person. I've heard of people compaining about how they find people who randomly talk annoying. I started to think how I really am in others' eyes.



On the way home, I plugged into my ipod and listened to a great deal of classical music. Different people entered my mind and reminded me of who I can really talk to and who I can not. Perhaps I should learn to survive on my own with that queer, contrasting personality of mine.